The sweet part about the song is that it felt like I was “doing something” when I sang it to him. Often when someone we love is suffering, it’s hard to know what to do. Sometimes there isn’t anything we can do. But there is. We can feel in our heart our love for them, hold them dear, and wish them Peace.

I believe this is important. To wish someone Peace.

And it’s especially heartwarming to sing it to them. And because the song is made for kids it has some silliness in it too, which can help when feeling blue!

Here’s the link to “The Sick Song.” Please feel free to share it with someone who may need a smile or a little love. I think Valentine’s Day is an especially wonderful day to share love and wish each other Peace.

Truth is, we’ve all got a little or a lot that we’re carrying and a bit of kindness shared matters.

Wish you Peace and Joy today!

Mama Kat

(My grandma name)

Monday morning I woke hearing our firefly Liva singing, “Blink Joy. Blink Faith. Blink Hope. Blink Love. Shining Light, sent from above. Please listen, hear what I say, share your firefly light today.”

I didn’t want to share. I was angry, exhausted from Big Shoes stomping on me and abusing their power. I wanted to hide.

And yet Liva kept singing, “Share your firefly light today.”

I can fight internally, truly wrestle, offering excuse after excuse of why it’s better for me to stay hidden, stay small, hide in a flower. 

Eventually, I made one phone call. Tapping in each number on my cell phone felt awkward, ridiculous, pointless. I called anyways, keenly aware that my cynicism, my pessimism, my fears are exactly where and how the whispering of evil thrives.

Instead of feeling depressed and stewing, I reached out. I called a few neighbors and asked them about their experiences with the Big Shoes.

I called an older woman whom I had admired from afar. We talked for three hours. I listened carefully to details of events involving Big Shoes that had caused her harm. She was surprised that I cared. As an elderly woman, she said she often feels invisible. My eyes teared up when she shared this truth with me because I could see this was a real part of her everyday existence. 

I tried to open my heart to her suffering, to hold space, kindness and love. 

I watched her eyes fill with tears.

There is a peace that arrives when one is heard.

She offered me a longer horizon perspective. She described a time in our community that had more joy and serenity. She had wisdom to share, and I was thankful to hear and receive. This gave me hope. 

Hope helped me breathe more deeply.

Eventually, our sharing turned to heart-warming stories and laughter.

When our conversation was coming to a close, she expressed gratitude that I had listened and that we had laughed together. 

It had started with my calling and asking if she’s attend an HOA meeting with me because I was nervous to go alone.

“Of course!” She said. 

I remembered we are never as alone as we think we are.

Here’s the animated video of Liva’s song, “Share Your Light: the Firefly Way.”

Wishing you courage & peace,

Kathleen

(Mama Kat, my grandma name)

I want to live joyfully and yet, I keep thinking about topics that make me angry and upset while our sweet puppy, Obi, nudges me, asking for a walk. 

Eventually, I listen and we head out the door.

A neighbor asks, “Do you know your dog is smiling?”

Here’s the catch. A dog-catcher kind of catch, except I’m the one who ends up in the pound. My anger locks me away.

Someone asks, “Do you know your dog is smiling?” 

Statistically speaking, Obi smiles often. “Yes,” is a good bet.

However, present moment verification could prove otherwise, which means I don’t know.

I get distracted from the good things all around me by flames burning in my thoughts. I can get a whole fire going while rinsing dishes at the kitchen sink. I’ve even caught myself using a wooden spoon to make my point to an imaginary audience. 

And there beside me, my audience of one, is Obi, smiling, asking to go for a walk. 

Dan, my husband, and I go in phases of laughing and not laughing as often. We need reminding. 

“Let’s focus on laughing more,” we say.

It’s lovely to laugh. I smile. I breathe and I love his smile. 

I used to be a humor columnist. I’d sit by myself in my office, type and laugh. 

Sometimes events weren’t funny when they were happening and thankfully, I was able to find humor in them later. It’s all in how we retell a story. 

I tip towards seriousness these days. Do I think being angry is helpful?

The wisest, kindest people, whom I admire deeply, age with smile wrinkles and warm heartedness. They radiate joy and peace.

I’m left asking, “What happened to my sense of humor?” I wonder if Obi is asking this question too.

Thankfully, something usually gets me to laugh. This morning I was looking at photographs of little ones in Halloween costumes and I smiled.

And then suddenly, I saw the costume I’ve been wearing… brow furrowed, a frown, taking life way too seriously and I laughed.

Thank God I did. 

When I laughed, I was free.

Free to imagine putting on a pink flower gown, a zinnia crown and dancing with friends in the garden.

And free enough to hear the puppy at my office door asking to go for a walk. 

I opened the door to head outside, looked down at my puppy beside me and I could see Obi smiling. 

And thankfully, so was I.

Wishing you joy and laughter, 

Kathleen

Today our sweet firefly Liva talks to me about being brave, bold and a Wild FloweRebel.

Liva’s call to share light and be a Wild FloweRebel helps me focus on what’s important.

I know we each have a seed of the Divine Presence in us, a spark of love, the breath of life. Many metaphors describe how our soul connects to the mystery of being.

I also know that we are meant to grow this connection to the Divine and share it with others.

Being part of the Wild FloweRebellion means connecting with the Beauty within me and choosing to seeing Beauty in the world around me.

This is rebellious because there can be so much that tempts me to despair, to feel depressed, to hide.

But choosing to live as a FloweRebel means knowing and accepting that I am called in my own particular, unique way to take Beauty into the world. Again and again.

And I need to be reminded to do this. Again and again.

There’s a wonderful scene in Roxanne where Steve Martin puts a coin in a newspaper dispensing machine, takes out the paper, looks at the front page, and then screams. He then pays money to put the newspaper back in the dispenser.

I feel this way often. Not only do I want to bury the news in a metal box on a street corner, I want to retreat, make a fort in our garden, watch our puppy chase dragonflies and our kitty hunt lizards. The garden, the dog, the dragonfly, the cat, the lizard are all essential to my well-being and I also remind myself~

be brave, 

share with others 

know that Beauty is wild 

and travels on the wind… 

Planting seeds of kindness, hope, laughter and love matters.

Planting flower seeds matters too. I watch them germinate and feel hope. I see them grow and blossom and feel delight. I see bees arrive and I find wonder in pollen, fruit, vegetables, food, eating, life. 

How connected I am to a squash blossom and a bee.

It’s been ages since I’ve seen a newspaper dispensing machine. I use coins less and less. And yet being taken out by news I read on my phone can happen quickly. Suddenly, I’m attempting to breathe and find my footing. 

I probably wasn’t created to handle a stream of challenging stories and pictures from the entire world. News from one village is most likely more than enough for my capacity to feel empathy, help in some way and still carry light, kindness and hope. 

And yet here I am with a device that fits in my pocket which if I’m not careful and I allow it to~ distracts me from the beauty of a full moon rising or the first rain after a long hot summer.

How does this mean I live?

I don’t want to become hardened and I don’t want to be a hermit, well, truth is, sometimes I do, but I know we are called to make the world better, to share our light and this means engaging. 

Engaging means filling with Beauty, taking in little moments of loveliness, allowing them to bring delight, a smile….

Our puppy chasing our cat through the house while painters patch a drywall repair. I hear the paws on the plastic that covers the floor and the new sounds make me laugh. 

And then when my own well is full and overflowing, I share with others. And even when I don’t feel brimming with light, may I share with others anyways. Often I find that the simple act of reaching out with light fills me with light too.

May I re-find again and again the belief that planting a seed of goodness matters a lot. One seed. Tiny steps. Starting today. 

Join me as a Wild FloweRebel.

Wishing you tiny steps seeing & sharing Beauty. The world needs your light.

Peace,

Kathleen

Decades ago, I attended Divinity School and thought I’d become a minister. Turns out, I argued too much with my professors. When I hear Frankie Avalon from Grease singing “Beauty School Drop Out,” to Frenchie, I sing “Divinity School Dropout…” and wonder what does this mean? I love studying different religions and wasn’t able to sit reverently with doctrine that bugged me.

We were in that bizarre in-between-time of Covid and lockdowns. A Temple was hosting a 9 month Zoom class on Reform Judaism. I signed up. 

In one Zoom class, we learned about Shabbat. It’s the Jewish Sabbath celebration that begins at sundown on Friday night and ends an hour after sundown on Saturday. And Shabbat is much, much more. 

In our home, we began following the prescribed actions. On Friday, making soup and bread before sunset. Creating a plate of tasty appetizers. Having a book on the table with prayers that help us remember to be thankful and joyful about being alive and together. And then we’d light two candles….

There’s a secret in sitting with people you love in candlelight.

As the years pass, I am left savoring this lasting treasure in time we found~ a weekly ritual in our home, the celebration of Shabbat. I look forward to it all week. It’s a break from work, worrying, striving. Shabbat is intended to be a delight. 

At sundown on Friday, we light two candles and dedicate time to family, prayer books, music, nature, storytelling and good food. Often, I purchase a flourless chocolate brownie for dessert. A once a week treat. We exhale. Receive. Renew. Rest. Daydream. Dance. The time becomes sacred. Different.

The seas part and something beautiful happens. Again and again. 

I’m a beginner at this practice of Shabbat. To learn how to honor the Sabbath deeply, intentionally, requires focus and intention each week. I continue to struggle to let go of my worries and work. I remind myself again and again, “We’ve done enough,” as we welcome in the Spirit of Peace and Thankfulness. 

Usually, the tasty treats and the conversation transport me to a place of joy. And if I make it to dessert still troubled, chocolate always helps.

I have come to savor the time of sitting in front of two candles asking family members, “How are you?” And taking time to listen. I love the opportunity of eating delicious food and sharing stories from the week. I often grumble about wearing nice clothes, but then feel better when I do. I put on jewelry I never used to wear. I arrange small vases with fresh flowers on the kitchen table and we play great music. Each week, I love stopping and saying thank you for the blessings in our lives. And I try to give myself time to let this thankfulness sink in, long enough that it becomes a gentle smile. 

My offering to you today is this~ it is possible to make your home into a sanctuary. In fact, it’s important. To define a time of peace, gratitude and connection. To say, “I love you” with your eyes and heart to people you love. To breathe. And to wish each other Peace. 

This weekly ritual, I believe, feeds our deepest hunger and fills us with love.

May Peace be with you.

Kathleen

Capes. Masks. Crowns. Wands. Halloween costumes are filling stores. I love dressing up, the chance to become someone new, different. To push limiting thoughts. Think expansively. Creatively. Of course, I can wear wings. Or carry a lightsaber. Or paint my face green. The possibilities are endless.

And here’s what I want to offer us today. The same is true for how we share our own, unique beautiful light and gifts in the world. The more I understand about being human, the more I believe we often limit ourselves the most. We can become someone new.

Why not put on wings? Or carry a wand? Wear a crown and feel our true nobility?

The more we can see our lives as heroic, the better. We are each called, specifically, lovingly, to fight the good fight to bring light, to share our gifts, to be brave, again and again. To offer hope and healing, to others, to ourselves. To fight for what is good and beautiful, in our own unique way.

Today, I am encouraging myself to keep taking actions to change myself in small, wholesome and courageous ways. I have a daily motto written on a notecard in my kitchen and I say it out loud each morning:

I’m learning, growing and grateful.

These words helps me embrace getting curious, being bad at something, taking baby steps, trying something news, being brave and stopping to celebrate tiny wins and grace moments that happen along the way.

A fun question to ask is what costume do I secretly want to wear? What would be really fun? How do I dress as the hero or heroine of an animated movie? What are my super powers?

I invite you to have fun with these questions. Be bold! Be honest!

And now for ~

Wild FloweRebellion News:

On the subject of dressing up…  MissyAnn shared with me that she has grown a bit older and would like to update her wardrobe. She wants earrings, pink ballet slippers, a green shawl with matching armbands and maybe green tights but she might decide on pink.

When Butter, our beloved caterpillar, heard about MissyAnn’s new clothes, she said she was ready for a change too. The trouble is, I took out all my colorful pencils, offered lots of options and Butter can’t decide. She loves colors! For now, Butter wants to wear yellow, black and white stripes.

But Butter’s big problem is that she had a dream where she saw herself wearing enormous, powerful and beautiful orange and black wings! Butter confided that she loves accessorizing and asked for an orange headband and orange high tops with black shoelaces to remind her of her dream. Right now she’s also wearing an orange tutu, but she might ditch the skirt.

Wishing you Peace & Joy,

Kathleen

There’s something about laughing that fills the air with bubbles. Smiling makes my eyes brighten. Putting a flower in a vase on the kitchen table creates a place of beauty and invites joy. Let’s spend time here! Let’s eat here! Let’s tell stories and laugh here. 

We’re enjoying watching our puppy explore the world. Over breakfast, Dan told me the story from his morning walk with our padawan (young Jedi in training) pup Obi who detected a tasty scent on the sidewalk, lunged, inhaled the morsel and then slowly Obi realized the discarded scrap was covered in something unpleasant, something that was biting him and he spit it out and then  began wiping his tongue on the sidewalk, attempting to free his mouth of ants. 

When Obi arrived home, he drank a bowl of water, washing away the last stowaways.

Dan’s reenactment made me smile. It was a simple story told at our kitchen table from the details of everyday life. And we laughed and laughed. 

Even as I write, I realize how similar to Obi I am. I can latch hold of a thought only to find it’s covered in ants and I let it bite me, again and again. I try to rid myself of it. Change topics, breathe, laugh, sing… compassion for my suffering, clouds floating by in my mind. Anything to wash away the stowaways. 

Oh what a padawan, a beginner in mindfulness training I am. And I remind myself to put a flower in a vase, make a delicious meal, and tell a good story of trying, trying to bring beauty and goodness into a day.  And to laugh at my humanness, my humility, my inclination to eat tasty morsels covered in ants and not learn. Again and again. With the hope that someday, I will have the restraint or wisdom or I’m so focused on something else that tastes better and is better for me….that I don’t lunge. And instead, whistle on my way. 

Blessings on our journey. 

Kathleen

P.S. What I’m trying to focus my good energies on is the Wild FloweRebellion. More soon on this! 

Sometimes when I’m hurting, it helps to stop, notice, even put my hand on my cheek, breathe, pause and offer kindness to the  pain. Breathe in, breathe out. Soothing breaths. Breaths that say, “Even if no one else sees, I do. I see where you’re hurting.” 

Breath can be a form of comfort. I am safe. I am seen. 

For me this is what prayer does. It’s a pause. An invitation to connect. To know that our Divine Mother sees me, senses me and will soothe me if I allow myself to receive Her gift of Never-Ending Love.

I like to think of Liva, our firefly as a messenger for the Divine Mother. Liva shows up, with kindness and light. “Hey! I see you!”

She also reminds, encourages, nudges MissyAnn to look around for Grace. It’s here, it’s being sent to us, everyday, in big ways and little ways… a song lyric in the grocery store that seems written to my heart… a flower petal in my path… my kitty showing up when I need a little extra TLC.  A stranger who smiles. 

And here’s the rebel part… which is one reason I love wild flowers. It’s rebellious to make it a policy for one’s self to look for wild flowers, to look for grace, to believe in miracles and to see goodness. 

This is not ignoring our pain or giving into pain… it’s offering kindness, compassion, asking for help… all essential steps to being human and tender… AND continuing to seek ways to reach for hope and light. A Wild FloweRebel!

This is what wild flowers do. They keep blooming. 

Go team!

Wishing you moments of beauty & grace,

Kathleen

Today I’m taking extra time to soak up the beauty of flowers. I hope you do too! It’s so important when we’re constantly bombarded with news, to make and take deliberate time to breathe and be with beauty.

This is part of why I’m changing the name of this publication to Wild FloweRebellion. I believe it’s rebellious to seek out beauty, to immerse ourselves in joy and delight, to breathe and be thankful. And to add to what’s beautiful in the world.

I have to admit that it can be easier to be negative and cynical and even hide. It takes work and re-focus and re-frame to see blessings, to overcome hard stuff and return to delight, step out and share.

For me, being a Wild FloweRebel means celebrating what is beautiful AND signing up to take seeds of beauty & light into the world. It means nurturing goodness, kindness, faith and hope. It means planting seeds with the intention and hope that what I plant will become something beautiful.

I truly believe we each have unique offerings that are part of this super cool puzzle and we’re each meant to share them. To bring light.

If you’re still reading this, you’re most likely already a Wild FloweRebel. Thank you for joining me in this Wild FloweRebellion!

I am hoping to keep sending weekly emails, but I may miss a few as I am working on the Wild FloweRebellion.

In the meantime, keep planting seeds of love & light.

Kathleen

What does it mean to keep returning to our dreams? To re-find hope? Renew our energy? Renew our faith? There can be leisurely stretches of timelessness in summer that allow for watching clouds or waves or wild flowers. And my prayer for you and for me is that these moments of timelessness renew us, fill us and return to us that childlike innocence to dream.

I’m taking a rest from writing for a bit and am grateful to be feeling delight in little things. 

May you find moments to linger in whimsy and beauty.

Peace and Joy! 

Kathleen

This is a drawing I made after seeing wild flowers growing along a river during a road trip two years ago. May delight in little things lift your spirits as you journey. And as they say, may we take time to fill the well with wonder and small miracles.

I’m taking a rest from writing for a bit this summer to gather bits of joy. 

May Peace be with you!

Kathleen

I’m sharing with you an image I drew after a summer trip two years ago. My wish for you and me is to make time for reverie.

I’m taking a rest from writing for a bit this summer. 

In the break from our everyday lives, may we find a Peace from our everyday worries, a lightening of what weighs us down. A new perspective that is fresh and free. 

Peace! 

Kathleen

Holding my newborn grandson. What do I tell him about life? All the things that are worrying me don’t make the list. Instead, I am recalling some of the most beautiful moments of being alive. 

And I sing to him…

Do you know about shooting stars? Do you know about waterfalls? Do you know about snow flakes falling from above? Do you know about love? 

We were in the mountains for the Fourth of July. No firework shows, only a dark sky, and then suddenly there were dozens of shooting stars. We were lying on our backs in wonder. Wow!

Another time, we drove to Yosemite to see the waterfalls. Four hours later, Bridalveil Fall! Horsetail Fall! Vernal Fall! Yosemite Falls! Words cannot capture the grandeur, the elegance, the power. Surrounding us were spectacular waterfalls. That day the valley floor was full of dogwoods in bloom, tourists joyful and in awe, and water mist that captured sunlight and cast rainbow light on us all. 

And there was the time in the Sierra Nevada.  We were snowed in and eventually decided to venture outside. Oh the quiet of falling snow! A sublime peace held us and we laughed in wonder and joy watching snow flakes fall. 

I look at my grandson and see wonder in him. Tiny toes. Expressive hands. Tight fists when hungry. Open, peaceful hands when full. His smile, a light in my heart. And I see me holding him. Loving him. Wanting to teach him to see the wonder that is all around us, that is within us. 

I sing…

There’s a mystery. There’s a wonder… that is all around, when you see. There’s a mystery in you and me.

Knowing this is the most important lesson I can share. The importance of knowing we’re alive, of being awake, of seeing a shooting star as if it were the first one we’d ever seen, or a waterfall, or a snowflake, or the person beside us. Seeing with eyes of wonder and love.

And breathing it all in, opening my hands, peaceful and full. 

Here’s the song I wrote for him called, “Do you know about shooting stars?” Our firefly Liva sings it, of course, because a firefly is a type of shooting star.

In truth, aren’t we all?

May we each experience the freedom that arrives when we know we are alive and can feel awe and gratitude for the One who created incredible beauty within us and around us.

Happy 4th! 

May Peace be with you.

~Kat

To watch & listen to this animated video of “Do you know about shooting stars?” on YouTube, please click here.

An unusual situation~ When I hold our newborn grandson, I start singing words from my heart. New songs.

There’s a simplicity and purity in what I’m singing. Maybe it’s because he is still close to the other side, full of radiant beauty and light.

Words of love and advice are flowing and he snuggles in while I sing.

This recent song “Rock-a-Bye Peace” arrived while I was rocking him to sleep. Anyone who has tried to get a baby to sleep knows there are false moments of eyes shut and then open again. Close. Open. Close. Open.

Is this how I see insights into the Divine? Sometimes I am open. Sometimes I am closed.

I’ve spent this week working with this song and creating drawings to make the video. While I draw, I sing each line again and again.

And the words in this song have become medicine for me.

I sing softly, “Rock-a-bye Peace.”

For anyone who has known suffering, worry, even despair, a grandmother wishing you Peace is a most welcome offering.

The next line, “Rock-a-bye sleep.” For anyone who has known a sleepless night, this is one of the kindest gifts we can wish for someone ~ a peaceful night of sleep.

And then there’s the line, “Blessings of light, you fill me with delight.” I imagine a Divine Mother seeing me as full of light, even when I can’t see it, because She made me this way, made all of us this way, and She sees me with delight.

The most touching line in the song for me is the last line, “Know this little one, you are loved by Me.”

Know this little one, you are loved by Me.

In a big, noisy world, in a universe that is only getting bigger, in a timeline for human life, around people with whom I feel invisible… I can feel small, even insignificant.  And then the line from the song… to know that I am a little one in the Divine Mother’s heart and I am loved by Her.

I smile. Humbly. Receiving this love.

to know that I am a little one in the Divine Mother’s heart and I am loved by Her

I hear her singing, “Smile as I may, on this special day.” To feel a Divine Mother smiling at me today. Today is special~ because I am here and She is here. She smiles, a loving, tender smile, wishing me Peace, calling me little one, asking me to know and feel one thing, that I am loved by Her.

My eyes sparkle with teardrops. And I snuggle in.

My hope is that you will too.

It occurs to me that perhaps I am not offering this newborn wisdom. Perhaps he has brought it with him and I am translating this beautiful Motherly love that is always being offered to each one of us.

May Peace be with you.

Kat~

I’ve asked our firefly friend Liva to sing this song “Rock-a-Bye Peace” to MissyAnn and Butter. Here’s a link to YouTube.

I was sweeping the porch after a windy night. Leaves. Tree bark. Then I saw a scrap of a bird’s nest made of sticks, fluff and torn paper. I looked up. Thankfully, behind an outdoor speaker, the nest was still there. I untangled the scrap of paper. It was faded, soft, covered in tiny words. Instructions. What instructions had these birds woven into their nest? 

What instructions do I weave into my nest? Where do I build my home?

I wasn’t able to make out all the words and they were in French. I read, “pour usage exterior” and then the words were too faded. I could only read “le toit seulement.” 

“Le toit” meant roof. For exterior use, only on the roof.”

I looked up. Above the nest, strung along the roofline were Christmas lights. The worn paper had been a tag attached to the lights.

I liked seeing the nest, the words, and the Christmas lights at the height of summer. The longest days of light of the year. What was the message here? I’ve had profound moments of love this week as I’ve sat on this porch holding our newborn grandson. 

I know that life can throw me curve balls. Sometimes they come from other humans. Sometimes my own brain tosses up old ghosts. 

Not long ago, I shared a deep fear of mine with one of my oldest friends. We were best friends in middle school and sent each other Christmas cards for decades.

There I was back in Arizona, and she and I were having coffee at the same mall where we ate bagels together when we were twelve. We talked as if no time had passed.  She’s spent her professional life helping people save their sweetest memories in scrapbooks. She teaches people how to frame their stories— to savor what is beautiful and good in their lives. To hear her talk, over a blueberry muffin, is to hear the most profound sermon I have heard.

A sermon of love, defiance and joy. 

To focus on what is good and beautiful in our life. To see it and savor it. And tell it.

I cried when she and I talked as I shared the journey I have had away from her and back to her. From innocence to wisdom. 

My deepest fear? I cried. My deepest fear was that at my death I wouldn’t be able to recall the sweetness in my life.

I cry even now sharing this with you. 

After I spoke these words, I strengthened my resolve. Again. I continue to work everyday to see and savor the tenderness, the loveliness, the beauty. To draw it. To sing it. To write it. Because I want my life to be a triumphant expression of resilience, love, grace and beauty. 

When I held my newborn grandson in my arms and he smiled at me for the first time, I felt a joy I never knew I would feel. It was pure, beautiful and full of goodness. My heart filled with love.

He smiled at me. He smiled at me. 

He won’t be a newborn forever. But I want to remember that moment forever. To let goodness and hope and beauty wash over me and through me. Again and again.

When terrible things happen, you can feel tainted by them. I want to release all of that. To let myself be human, humble, prayerful and beautiful. To let myself heal. With God’s grace. 

May I build my nest near a speaker that plays songs of love and light. May I take the beauty of a newborn’s love and weave into my nest the hope and joy of Christmas. A newborn who brought love to the world. May I take the sweet moments of my life and create these memories that I cherish and tell. And may I let the beauty of time, life, old friends, and small miracles hold me and sustain me as I journey forward.

May I wrap the beauty of my life around me and say, “Amen.”

Here is my song on YouTube, “May I recall your sweetness.” I’ve asked MissyAnn to sing this song to our firefly friend Liva who brings love, light and delight to whomever is able to see her.

With you Light and Love!

Kat~

A summer afternoon. I was trying to work and heard music outside ~ “It’s a Small World.” It could only be an ice cream truck. I had to leave my desk. Under the shade of green leaves, I listened to the music and children laughing. A summertime moment full of sweetness. 

I went inside and sat down to work again. Through the window, I saw my daughter drive in with my four-week old grandson. Another moment of sweetness. I was going to take care of him while she went to an appointment. I received the baby and her instructions with joy. My daughter left a bottle of pumped breast milk in the refrigerator. Anyone who has ever pumped milk knows it is gold, an act of pure love. 

He had nursed, most likely wasn’t hungry, and I had a bottle in case he was. She left. He had an enormous burp. It’s hard to believe someone so small can make a sound so voluminous.  I laughed. And then he was hungry again. 

As I fed him breast milk, I thought about mother love. I said a prayer and a blessing~

May you be fed love. 

May you be fed joy.

May you be fed hope. 

May you be fed peace. 

I wanted him to be nurtured and sustained by this beautiful love. Throughout his life. 

And as I held him, I sang a song from my heart. As I sang, I recorded the words.

Usually, when I’m catching a song, it arrives slowly, as I hear the melody from somewhere far away. I sing it several times to learn it myself and then I record it to share with you.

As I was singing and recording “Mother Love” for the first time, my grandson joined in and made a joyful noise. When I hear his sweet sounds in the song, I smile and I hope you smile too. 

In the short animated video, I’ve asked Liva, our firefly friend, to sing the song “Mother Love” to MissyAnn and Butter as I believe Liva is a messenger of Divine Mother Love and it’s a love we all need. 

I have come to realize that no matter our relationship with our human mothers, which of course has challenges and blessings because we are all human, there is a Divine Mother who loves us and loves us and loves us with kindness, generosity and blessing. And this love always offers us love, joy, hope and peace. 

Today I ask myself, how can I see, receive and share this beautiful Mother Love that is always here?

May Peace be with you.

~ Mama Kat

(My new grandma name!) 

To hear & watch Mother Love on YouTube, please click here.

If you struggle with depression, anxiety, or everyday challenges of being human, I want you to know there are some wonderful advantages to being alive right now. I believe we are at an incredible intersection where brain science, mindfulness, mental health and faith practices are interacting in a way that is more knowledgeable, helpful and hopeful than we have ever known. Certainly in our lifetime.

And although I’m not “fully cured” or “fully healed” from my struggles with ptsd, I am good enough. Thank God. And I have crawled out of enough chasms to be willing to say I know some routes out that are helpful and I’d like to share them with you.

To get better, I continue to study brain science and how the brain works. My current understanding is that the brain evolved by adding more complex brains over the earlier versions. The “lizard” brain is the oldest part of our brain. This is where fear and anxiety are activated. A scan of a brain that is locked in fear, lights up the amygdala, the lizard brain. When I’m stuck in a place of fear, I now know that my lizard brain is lit up and sometimes the lights feel like they won’t ever go out. This is part of being locked in fear. It can feel paralyzing even though we now know, thankfully, that that feeling of forever is temporary.

How do I make my time in fear shorter in duration?

The higher functions of the brain are activated when we feel thankful, creative, expansive.

I now know my fear brain is myopic. I focus on one threat. Lock on. Sometimes I switch, focus on another threat, then another one. Brain scientists are now saying that staring at a cell phone for an extended period of time activates the fear brain because the eyes are so specifically focused that the brain believes there must be a danger somewhere….

Stop. Look around. Take a deep breath and then another.

Fortunately, there are many ways to exit the fear brain~ 

Looking out. 

Seeing the big picture.

Taking a deep belly breath. And another. 

And being thankful.

Gratitude is like a ladder from my fear brain to my creative brain. When I can find one tiny thing that I’m thankful for and focus on it, I create a rung on the ladder and sit there for a moment.

I breathe. I smile. Even if it isn’t a real smile yet, I know my brain doesn’t know the difference and a smile means I’m not threatened, I’m safe. 

And when I’m safe, I can be creative… another rung up.

Here’s another cool part about brains… we have old “maps” in our brains. This is a science word brain experts are using and I don’t know as much about “maps” from a science perspective as I would like to. But I now know I can identify and feel “maps” in my brain ~ old, familiar ways of thinking and reacting. The simple act of noticing an old “map” can be a profound act of freedom from decades of hard thinking and even from generations of experiencing life a certain way.

I’m starting to see myself as a trailblazer in the wild frontier of the brain, the heart and the soul. I don’t speak science like the brain people. I’m what’s known as a “sensitive.” I feel things deeply ~ emotionally and physically. I can feel in my brain when it’s lit up and stuck. This means, thankfully, I can feel when it starts to shift. 

And I can feel my heart fill with warmth and hope. 

Because I have a lot of old maps in my brain that lead to my fear brain, every day I work to be intentional and choose to chart new paths with beautiful thoughts, emotions and prayers. I now understand that repetition of new helpful brain paths eventually creates new “maps” that lead to the higher brain functioning more easily.  

Many of my unconscious meanderings of thinking and feeling can lead me to a dungeon of darkness and woe. Truly. 

This is why I work everyday to correct my path, to chart new maps in my brain and body. To get my cells used to being oxygenated instead of running on adrenaline. To notice when my heart is racing and breathe. To notice when I’m focused on a negative memory or a familiar hard old emotions and instead change to something beautiful right in front of me. 

I consciously make time to stop, look out and smile. 

I try to make time to celebrate miracles everyday… food for my dog showing up at my door, air conditioning, fresh strawberries, a friend’s smile, my husband’s humor….

When I remember to switch, like a train running on new tracks, I now have the added incentive and benefit of knowing that “neurons that wire together fire together.” This means my new, conscious thoughts are physically building new roads, new paths, new maps in my brain that lead to higher brain function (brain scans show this to be true!) and a more joyful, creative and thankful life.

Thank God!

I love this. I love this. I love sharing this with you. If it helps you at all, it makes my journey worth it to me. To reduce your time in a dungeon, to help you find more freedom, more love, and to live with more connection, creativity and gratitude. 

Try it. Sit for a moment and find one thing you’re grateful for and let it wash over you and fill your heart with love. Breathe, smile and say, “Thank you.”

May Peace be with you,

Kathleen

This is a link to a brain class I took that I found to be enormously helpful. Link to Transcendous.com.

Here is a song that our beloved caterpillar Butter sings to MissyAnn called “Celebrating Miracles!”

For the past seven months, I’ve been driving back and forth to the eye doctor having my eyes tested, retested and glasses made and remade. 

At one point, a prescription that was off from the start, was attempted to be corrected by adding a prism sticker to each lens. I felt like I was in a fun house at an amusement park and I ended up nauseated and seeing rainbows. 

Another pair of glasses worked only when I looked up at trees. Everything else was blurry. I came to appreciate trees in my neighborhood that I hadn’t seen before. 

I started reading Bible passages on asking God to help me see clearly. Clearly, my vision was distorted and it improved or worsened depending on which glasses I put on. I decided there was something spiritual at the root of the issue. 

Isn’t that often the case?

And here’s the ah-ha. What glasses do I wear each day? Each moment? How do I frame my world? Reframe my world? 

When I watch ants in our garden, I see some are lost, some carry more than their weight, some are heading for a hole and I smile easily, look up and say, “Wow, what a beautiful day!”

It’s easy for me to look away from ants and see the world around me.

With humans, I’d like to be able to notice the patterns, the chaos, the hurrying, and take a breath, sigh, and say, “Wow, what a beautiful day!”  

Sometimes I can. Like the other day in the garden, I admired red polkadots on green ~ ladybugs all over kale plants. A group of ladybugs is called a Loveliness. Not a swam. Not a herd, but a loveliness. Isn’t that lovely! 

I’d like to look at a group of humans and call them a Loveliness. Most days I can’t. Unless I’m watching children and then it’s easy.

Outside and within the ant march, there is a world that is made from love and is full of beauty. I’m not always sure about humans, but I want to be. Love is all around me. Sometimes I glimpse it and my heart fills with hope and wonder and I sense something eternal that is always here, always loving, always kind. 

And then I’m an ant crawling into a hole and I can’t see. And I’m thinking about another ant who bit me, how much it hurt and everything is dark. 

Somewhere a violin player is playing a sad tune for me, for my song, and it feels like everything in the moment and I’m thankful for the song.

But it’s not everything, really. The sad song is part of everything, but it’s not everything. Only if I’m an ant in a hole focused only on the ant who bit me. 

If I put on the tree glasses, then everything else is out of focus except trees. And I sing a song about trees and how beautiful they are. That’s not a bad way to make your way in the world unless you’re driving. Thankfully, when wearing the tree-glasses, I was able to see stoplights that were above me.

Today, finally today, I celebrate that I have on new glasses that are working. Thank God! And no surprise, the song that arrived this week is called, “Love is here!” It all depends on which  glasses I wear if I can hear the song, if I can see the song. 

May we join together as a group of humans who are called a Loveliness. And share our songs and this love.

In Peace, 

Kathleen

Please click here to watch & listen to “Love is Here!” on YouTube.

I’ve got to tell you~ one of the hardest aspects of being me is that I make the same mistake again and again. As a girl, I watched Saturday morning cartoons and laughed when the character kept slipping on the banana peel. There it was again ~ the banana peel right on the floor~ I could see it, the character couldn’t, I’d wait expectantly and then… Whamoo! Boom! Crash! It’s funny when it happens to someone else. 

My trouble is I make humans into gods. I give people power to tell me if I’m worthy, if I’m important, if I have value. And I do this again and again. 

I’m like a car that has a front, left tire with missing air that pulls to the center. When I fall asleep at the wheel and don’t catch myself, head-on collisions are expected, even predicted. One God is how I correct my course each day, everyday; otherwise, I end up begging some person to love me, see me, validate me. 

My only path to avoiding regular head-on collisions is prayer and reminding myself throughout the day not to give this power to humans and to worship our Creator instead.

Like this weekend ~ I kept showing my father photographs of his newly born great-grandchild and I couldn’t tell if my Dad knew who I was. 

“Look Dad! Your first great-grandchild! My first grandchild!”

I wanted to share the blessings of this joyful moment with him. And I wanted him to see me, joyful, alive, thankful and he couldn’t.

The banana peel again.

Except, it wasn’t funny; it was sad.

In truth, we all want our parents to see us ~ whether they are struggling with issues around aging or not. There are some parents who do see us, sometimes, but they are humans too. Not meant to be our gods. Worthy of our respect, our charity, but not our worship.

I have come to understand that the feeling of being unseen, even orphaned is important on the faith journey.

Feeling orphaned reveals one essential aspect of being human ~ the depth of our need to be seen and loved. This ongoing need is not a flaw; how we seek to fill it can be a flaw or our freedom.  Freedom from bowing to people. 

There is one wholesome, sustaining and fulfilling answer to the feeling of being alone, orphaned, and longing to be seen, and that is to return humbly and with gratitude again and again to our Creator, to the source of all life and light and to hear the song of joy that is continuously breathed into us from a pool of never-ending love.

And to receive this ongoing gift of loving kindness, boundless compassion, and joyful celebration every time we return home.

Blessings on your journey.

In Peace, 

Kathleen

P.S. I decided to ask Butter, our caterpillar, to sing, “May I Hear” for the simple reason that I believe within each of us is a caterpillar with dreams and longings of wanting to fly and the answer lies in discovering the unique part of ourself that is a gift from our Creator. No one can ever take away this gift. Whether or not we answer the call is up to us.

Here are the lyrics from “May I Hear” ~

May I hear Your song in me

When You breathed Your breath in me,

whispered lovingly.

I am seen. I am loved.

Sent to Earth from above.

Here to share Your love.

Please click here, to listen to Butter’s song, “May I Hear” on YouTube.

Beautiful Bible verses about “Those with ears to hear, let them hear:” Mark 4:9, Matthew 13:15, Revelations 2:7, Matthew 11:15, Matthew 13:43, Romans 12:2, Matthew 13: 8-9, Isaiah 6:10, Ezekiel 3:27, Proverbs 20;12

In the middle of hard end of life issues with an older family member, my first grandchild was born. On Mother’s Day, I drove to the hospital to see my daughter, my son-in-law and their newborn baby. 

When I held my grandchild, I looked in his eyes and could still see heaven. He held the beauty of where he had come from, and my troubled heart was filled with joy and my eyes had tears I could not hold back. 

Sometimes we make long journeys and there are moments in time that mark an arrival. I am thankful he made it and I am thankful I did too. There we were together, he and I, both miracles. 

Years ago, when I was struggling profoundly with ptsd, I told myself I wanted to get better to hold my first grandchild. Yesterday, I held him. 

It’s a balancing act of epic proportions to tend to wounds and to see the beauty in life. And somehow, miraculously, I held a newborn in my arms and I was able to feel joy and love.

And for this singular moment, I am grateful. 

Maybe I am newborn too. Newborn in my faith that healing is possible. That love is here on earth, it matters and it helps. We are challenged sometimes beyond words… and goodness, love and light exist and can prevail. 

There are tulips blossoming in my daughter’s front yard. I always love tulips and the MissyAnn prayer ~ 

With tulips I pray,

with two lips I pray,

and say thank you 

today.

I wrote a song for my grandson and I’d like to share it with you. It’s called, “Whenever you fall…”

And may you remember ~ a line from this song ~ 

Your beauty goes with you 

wherever you roam, 

and in you is a Peace 

where you are always home.

With love and gratitude, 

Kathleen

To watch the song “Whenever You Fall” on YouTube, please click here.